Saturday, December 13, 2008

Dear Mom


I miss you today.
Mom, I know your time was up. And I know I have written about this. But I will write again.
You had a rough end of your life. I understand that. But you made such an impact when your health was good. I am told by many that you went out of your way to make others feel special. Your nieces and nephews adored you. They miss you. So do I. So does your son, husband, sisters and brothers.

Mom, I have been told that my mom must have been a special woman to raise a girl like me. Little do they know that I am peanuts compared to who you were. You gave me opportunities that a girl could only dream of. You gave me life lessons that I never got until I was a woman.

The past 3 years have flown by mom, and each year I think to pick up the phone to call you at least 100 times. But I can't. When you left THIS earth, I was a new mom. I had a 3.5 year old son and a 15 month old girl. I hadn't even began to ask you much parenting advice. As each year passes, I pray that I can be the woman you raised me to be. The funny thing is, that like you, I have turned to writing to express myself. A typewriter clicked and clacked at midnight as you wrote of your life, and tonight a keyboard taps away writing of my life with you. Ironic, huh?

Tonight I want to remember the past year and the influence you still have on me:

  • You were right, it is never to young to give children the love of great literature.
  • I am rethinking never bestowing upon my children the word of the week during summer break...I get it now mom. Haha
  • Around age 4, I remember you telling me that mommy and daddy needed "grown up time". Snicker. That, I also get and I even use the same phrase.
  • You never made me feel silly when I stood up in church and made up songs. So now, I will never make my daughter feel silly for the random songs or dances.
  • Faerie hunts ARE magical
  • Snipe hunts don't seem so mean after all!
  • Boys and bikes and ramps all go hand in hand
  • Manners....you have to have them
  • Santa doesn't have that much room on his sleigh
  • I finally understand why you used to say: 1) Do you need a tissue for your nose? 2) staring is rude 3) You're going to catch a death of a cold 4) If you don't wear socks your feet will stink 4)Say excuse me 5) It's not nice to laugh when mommy passes gas 6) You don't like that long purple coat? I think it is cute! 6) Ear muffs are adorable on you! 7) You are too young to like boys 8) We don't sword fight in the produce section 9) Put that toilet seat down! 10) I LOVE YOU MORE THAN YOU WILL EVER KNOW!
Mom, I cried in Chad's arms tonight missing you. I can't imagine how dad feels. I know that I will see you again. Speaking of, Andrew realized the other night that he gets to see you and Chad's Grandpa again one day. He was sooo excited. So am I. But until then, I will cry because I miss you. I mourn our relationship, our phone calls, our talks, our margaritas, our diaries, our movies, our ghost stories, our inside jokes, our thing that only a mom and daughter can have.
I love you mom, to the moon and back. This time YOU are MY shining star.
Kandi

6 comments:

ColtonandJessica said...

Awh. You are so sweet and eloquent. =) This is such a sweet post. I know it is hard for you, and I am so sorry, but you have so many great memories which is awesome. I LOVED the part about "grown up time"

Savor the Journey said...

Well, your words must have been intended to be read by me, as well as many others. In a mere hour, it will be my beloved Daddy's birthday. I say many of those same things on these 'anniversay' days. Please know that you are not alone as you continue to express your love and feeling the absence of your beloved mother in day-to-day life. Obviously, we were both very blessed. In my opinion, such awesome blessings are worth the tears. (((hugs)))

JeffieNerd said...

I think your mother would be SO proud of you. :)

I know what you mean... I still dream of my mom often, and think to call her, but I can't.

And through you, her legacy lives on. The influence she had on you as a woman and as a mother.

ChickieShannon said...

What a sweet, sweet post. Thinking of you! {HUGS}

Rebecca said...

That is such a beautiful post!! I am boo-hooing now...

Hugs to you, mama! I am beyond sure that you are more than just peanuts compared to your mom - I love you to pieces!

Nush with the Tush said...

wow. what a moving post. i am here crying and at the same time extremely happy that you had an amazing mother. what a great gift to know you and adore you as the mother you are to the two sweets you have in your house.

many many hugs to you my dear and lovely friend.