30 Minutes

Yesterday I had quite the scare. To make a long story short, I visited my family doctor after a 9+ day headache (accompanied by neck and eye pain). The decision for me to go was because yesterday my headache worsened and I began hearing a whooshing sound in my ear.

After a 20 minute exam, my doctor rushed me to the E.R. She was concerned about a dilated artery or an aneurysm. She called and spoke with a specialist at the local hospital so that they could be prepared for me.

In just a few minutes I had a plethora of emotions. I was devastated that I was going to miss my children's meet the teacher night. I felt more alone that I ever have at that moment. I got on the phone, called my husband and told him that he will have to take the kids to meet the teacher. I called my cousin to tell her that we would not make it to her house that evening for dessert and fun. I called a friend to let some others know what was going on...just in case.

One of my best friends arrived to keep me company until my husband was able to be there with me. She kept me busy and laughing, although my head was throbbing. I tried to laugh it all off, and she was the best person for that job. During this time I got a CT scan. My aunt and cousin showed up to give me support and a few more laughs. Head was beginning to hurt more, but again.....what can ya do? Laugh. :) Hubby showed up and after a while it was just the two of us.

We waited.

Then I was wheeled off for an MRI. Actually two. One for my head and one for my neck. This is where they would look at my arteries in my head and neck, and figure out if it was an aneurysm. Again, in the wheelchair I cracked jokes to the tech who wheeled me into the room. There I was geared up with what seemed like a football helmet, I was given earplugs, and pretty much had to sit still for 30 minutes inside of that tube. The earplugs did no good, it was loud and scary. I can not imagine little children who have to have these done. So scary. So loud. So much time to think.

30 minutes

I closed my eyes. I took deep breathes. I prayed. Tears streamed but I could not move. They puddled in my ears. They overflowed and dripped down my neck. They itched. I could not move.

I thought of my husband who was being quiet in the room because I know he was just holding it together. I thought of my mom who was my angel that day. I thought of my babies. I thought about the worst. About who would snuggle with Jordan? Who would hug Drew every morning and sit with him while everyone else slept? Who would write them notes in their lunch boxes, read them stories, go on faerie hunts, make up games, watch them grow? I was sick to my stomach with the thought that I may never smell their sweaty little scalps, smell their morning breath when they kissed me good morning, hold them and snuggle with their squirmy little feet, hear their question after question when all I want is silence....I thought of so many more things that I am certain any of you out there would think.

In that short 30 minutes my life changed a bit.

Results came back fine. Now we just need to figure out what is causing this.

What was nice, is that while I was in my own world for that 30 minutes, I had SO many people praying for me and thinking good thoughts for me.

I felt it.